This is the culinary equivalent of a kick in the bollocks to this miserable autumn weather. 3 cheese sauce, crispy bacon, loads of carbs. What more could you want? It's also fucking easy.

This feeds 2 (I ate it all myself)


  • 125ml single cream
  • 6 rashers of streaky bacon
  • 1 bag of salad
  • Splash white wine vinegar
  • Splash extra virgin olive oil
  • Small handful of grated mozzarella, Parmesan and cheddar
  • 150g penne pasta
  • Pinch grated nutmeg
  • Shit loads of ground black pepper

Boil your kettle and get your bacon under the grill. You want it really crisp.

Boil your pasta for 11 minutes in a large pan of salted water.

Make a simple salad dressing by whisking together a few splashes of olive oil and white wine vinegar. I go 50-50 with these as you want it a little sharp to cut through the cheesy goodness. Don't toss it through the salad till the last minute, you want to keep your leaves as fresh as possible.

Grate a small handful of Parmesan, cheddar and mozzarella. I always go a little mad on the cheese, reign it back! Too much of the cheese and you've got a stringy, gloopy mess or something which is over salty. Set aside on a plate.

Once the pasta is cooked, drain it off and put it back into the pan you cooked it in with the cheese, cream, nutmeg and loads of black pepper. Get it over a really low heat just to melt the cheese. You may need to add a splash of water if, like me, you added too much cheese! It should look glossy and coat the pasta like this:

Toss your dressing through your salad leaves, put the pasta on top and chuck on your bacon.

Jobs a good'un.

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